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I hear someone laugh; it’s pretty faint like coming from a distance. Some voices “Hey why are you so down?”, “What’s the matter?” I try to concentrate, pretty hard at that. Still some more “Hey dhaval what’s up? ”, “Why aren’t you eating?”, I recognize the voice, it’s bhupesh and he is looking at me. I feel like I am in a state of trance. Am I high already? Am I so wasted as to not recognize what’s going on around me? I only downed a glass of rum. Something‘s wrong with me. I feel very depressed. Is it the rum or is it my thyroid. I answer bhupesh that nothing’s wrong, it’s just that I am not feeling so good. He doesn’t seem too convinced but doesn’t push it seeing by obvious reluctance to talk. I again go back to my state where there is consciousness but very fragile, completely shutdown from the surrounding. It doesn’t matter, the reason behind my depression. I am depressed for no reason. I am like that all the time. I had been that way for so long that it’s almost second nature to me. I am so good at it that I can get depressed whenever I want to. Isn’t that cool? Anyways coming back to my state of diminished cognition, the cause of which is not known even to me, I hear some more voices, this time I am not able to put a face to the voice. I try very hard, all I see is a faceless crowd, all wearing a suit with a hideous tie. No it’s not a crowd; it’s actually four people, faces of which I don’t recognize. And they don’t seem to be talking they seem to be singing. It goes like this                              Hey jude, don’t make it bad.                             Take a sad song and make it better.                             Remember to let her into your heart,                             Then you can start to make it better.   In a desperate attempt to make sense of what’s going on, I push really hard. Some more neurons fire in my temporal lobe. It’s the Beatles. What the hell are they doing inside my brain? I don’t even like them. But the day before I did listen to one of their song, what was it called? Ya right Hey jude. But I can’t seem to relate or rather rationalize what the Beatles go to do with my state of depression. I again overburden my already depressed brain, some neurons fire in my cerebral cortex and I remember my conversation with amit. I was telling him grunge rock is not for me, I prefer fluidity in songs rather than a rough guitar. Amit retorts with saying, people who have experienced sadness, sadness in its real, unadulterated form appreciate grunge. So am I sad? Beatles in my head do seem to suggest so. But I do like the song now, it’s not like I hated it the other day but I really seem to appreciate it at this very moment. I think I am experiencing sadness. With a sudden jerk the Beatles are replaced by faces of bhupesh, kunal , amol and rikin. It’s time to go, I suppose, the bill is already on the table.

I hear someone laugh; it’s pretty faint like coming from a distance. Some voices “Hey why are you so down?”, “What’s the matter?” I try to concentrate, pretty hard at that. Still some more “Hey dhaval what’s up? ”, “Why aren’t you eating?”, I recognize the voice, it’s bhupesh and he is looking at me. I feel like I am in a state of trance. Am I high already? Am I so wasted as to not recognize what’s going on around me? I only downed a glass of rum. Something‘s wrong with me. I feel very depressed. Is it the rum or is it my thyroid. I answer bhupesh that nothing’s wrong, it’s just that I am not feeling so good. He doesn’t seem too convinced but doesn’t push it seeing by obvious reluctance to talk. I again go back to my state where there is consciousness but very fragile, completely shutdown from the surrounding.

It doesn’t matter, the reason behind my depression. I am depressed for no reason. I am like that all the time. I had been that way for so long that it’s almost second nature to me. I am so good at it that I can get depressed whenever I want to. Isn’t that cool?

Anyways coming back to my state of diminished cognition, the cause of which is not known even to me, I hear some more voices, this time I am not able to put a face to the voice. I try very hard, all I see is a faceless crowd, all wearing a suit with a hideous tie. No it’s not a crowd; it’s actually four people, faces of which I don’t recognize. And they don’t seem to be talking they seem to be singing. It goes like this

                             Hey jude, don’t make it bad.
                             Take a sad song and make it better.
                             Remember to let her into your heart,
                             Then you can start to make it better.

 

In a desperate attempt to make sense of what’s going on, I push really hard. Some more neurons fire in my temporal lobe. It’s the Beatles. What the hell are they doing inside my brain? I don’t even like them.

But the day before I did listen to one of their song, what was it called? Ya right Hey jude. But I can’t seem to relate or rather rationalize what the Beatles go to do with my state of depression. I again overburden my already depressed brain, some neurons fire in my cerebral cortex and I remember my conversation with amit. I was telling him grunge rock is not for me, I prefer fluidity in songs rather than a rough guitar. Amit retorts with saying, people who have experienced sadness, sadness in its real, unadulterated form appreciate grunge. So am I sad? Beatles in my head do seem to suggest so. But I do like the song now, it’s not like I hated it the other day but I really seem to appreciate it at this very moment. I think I am experiencing sadness.

With a sudden jerk the Beatles are replaced by faces of bhupesh, kunal , amol and rikin. It’s time to go, I suppose, the bill is already on the table.

Posted 8 months ago